Cummunication 101 #13

Did you know that dildos date back approximately 30,000 years? That is 30,000 years of women and men pleasuring themselves with inanimate objects. Wowzers! OK, but the factoids do not stop there. Cum along for a fantastical ride…wink wink see what I did there? There are so many toys out there. It can be rather intimidating to choose one or two…or a dozen!  Hey now, don’t you judge me! I love toys. I have since at least my late teens. I think my first one was a silver bullet, then a rabbit, then a motorized tongue and so on and so on. I still have a few of these in my ‘TOY’ box hidden in storage.  

In my young adult years I knew unequivocally that I could not orgasm during intercourse alone and I was a bit hung up on having guys ‘eat me out’… Like that is all I wanted, so much so that I would go up to a nice looking dude, start shooting the shit and then very bluntly ask “do you eat pussy?” After the shock and awe of my direct torpedo hit of a question, I got my answer.  If it was “yes”…”well then let’s go” and if it was a “umm, no”, it was “ok, let’s have a beer”.  No harm, no foul.

I had convinced myself the only way I could orgasm was through oral sex, or toy/finger clitoral stimulation.  I have always been VERY open about sex and have never, I repeat NEVER faked an orgasm.  Every dude, whoever they were knew if I came or not!  

Cue in 2005 before I left for a year long remote tour (leave my family for a year). Johne and I had sex on our toilet (lid closed of course) with me riding him…and VIOLA…cue in Holy Grail music and horns blowing and all the other goodness that comes with an ‘O’.

Cummunication is key of course.  Only in cummunicating with him to a very deep intimate and real level, could this have occurred and continue through present day.  Holy cannoli, I digressed folks, let’s get back to TOYS!

In ancient Greece it was believed that lack of sex caused hysteria. A way to prevent this hysteria when men would leave to fight in wars or hunt and gather or whatever, men would provide women with a leather stuffed phallic object.  This link between deprivation of sex and hysteria went well into the 20th century. 

Dildos, vibrators, butt plugs and anal beads etc. have come a long ways since ancient Grecian times.  However, that does not mean they are all good for you or your body.

Whether you are looking for a new toy, or to spice things up a bit…I offer 10 considerations when buying toys:

  1. Is it body safe? If it is made with other than 100% silicone it may not be.
  2. If you are buying in a store and the vibrator is on display, turn it on and touch to the tip of your nose (the nose has a ton of nerve endings and this will give you a good indication of what it will feel like on your lady bits).
  3. Do you like how it looks? If you feel some kind of way about this at all, chances are you will not use it.
  4. Is it waterproof?  Very important if your ‘self care’ time occurs while you are bathing/showering.
  5. Is it rechargeable or does it take batteries? Regardless of which it is or which you prefer you want it to be ready when you are.
  6. If you are wanting to introduce anal play, start small and work your way up and make sure you have LUBE (more on different types and the importance of lube in a another blog).
  7. Toys do not have to penetrate to be useful, pleasurable or fun.
  8. Is it loud? If being discreet is important, you don’t want it sounding like a jackhammer or engine revving device.
  9. Is it too large or small? If you think it is too large, go smaller, but not too small.  There have been very recent news stories about chain type vibrators slipping inside women’s urethraes during playtime and traveling to bladder and then having to be surgical removed. Definitely not trying to scare you but want you to be aware. You can also google the articles.
  10. Invest in a quality cleaner for your toys. You do not need or want a bladder, urinary tract or yeast infection after playtime. Properly clean, rinse and dry before stowing.

Ok, bottom line is there are a zillion sex toys out there to choose from. If you are still stuck and do not know where to begin.  Book a session with me at

If you know exactly what you want, I double as an Independent Bedroom Kandi Consultant and you can check their product out at  If you have any questions send me a message and we can go from there.  C-U next time.

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