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intimacy Lifestyle Love, Sex and Marriage Mindfulness Relationships Tips

2-4-6-8 It’s okay to initiate!

Cummunication 101 #2

Does your husband/Significant Other (SO) always initiate sex or, if you rather I don’t use absolutes; do they initiate way more frequently than you do? If yes, why? In my book, you both should be benefiting from your sexcapades… so initiating should be evenly matched for both participants. Side Note: if either of you are not benefiting, schedule a session with me (*wink wink* – see what I did there?).

We (women) want sex just as much as guys. So why do we usually wait until they initiate?

What am I getting at? It is a fact guys want to be wanted just as much as women do. So why is it, more often than not, that we JUST don’t initiate sex? I am sure there are many reasons (physical, emotional and/or mental) surrounding this issue for most, and I know if I did a survey, the answers would be all over the map, because each one of us is different.

However, the point is… YOUR man CRAVES you CRAVING him! PERIOD DOT! And, nothing, I mean NOTHING shows him you want him more than you initiating sex with him. This is a fantasy, right? Maybe not a deep seeded dirty fantasy; but, having a woman want him, come on to him, touch him, and desire him above anyone else…yes, indeed! This can be a very explosive event for you both.

So I am sure there is the “he is always , insert: ‘watching tv’ ‘playing video games’ ‘working in garage’ ‘blah, ‘blah, blah’, etc. and when he he doesn’t even notice me because he is so distracted.”

Welp… if you’re able to, (meaning no kids around or fear of kids interrupting) I recommend trying some or all of the the following:

– The #nakedchallenge: you may or may not want to film and post to social media, which is actually trending right now.

– Touch yourself in front of him (if you are absolutely not comfortable with this, *put his hands on your body.)

* PLEASE use caution, if he’s very focused on the task he is doing, we wouldn’t want a mishap to occur when you’re just trying to get busy.

– Break out and use a toy on yourself in front of him

ALERT! If the little people who don’t work, aka kids, are hanging round like farts (whether they have to be (age) or just want to be), cuddle on the couch or love seat (clothed of course, lol) with a blanket over you both and start touching yourself, touching him, or place his hand on your goodies. The thrill of hiding may just turn you on as much as it does him.

I challenge you to initiate ‘sexy time’ next time, more often, and/or whenever works in your relationship.

If you have never tried initiating or it has been a while, TRY IT!

Of course, if any of these ideas make you nervously shiver with anxiety instead of anticipation, please initiate at your own pace. Try kissing and touching gently at first. Be as subtle or as obvious as you feel comfortable with and are able to be… the point is, YOU start the fire.

C-U next time.


By CoachMaryC

I help couples with relationship intimacy and life. As a military veteran I specialize in military relationships and understand the difficulties of active duty military life as well as after military life, transitioning to civilian life. In addition to military; as a mom of four young men, I also help adolescents and young adults understand safer sex and sexual communication in relationships.

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